all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
