They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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