Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
