No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
