this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
