just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
