There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
