There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
