cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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