my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
