need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
