Already got asked if we're dating
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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