Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
