sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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