Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I pour the whiskey from now on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
