remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
