also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You smell like stripper and shame
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
