friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
