great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
what day is it and did you see me today?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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