Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
