There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
