I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
