oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
