Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am available for nakedness
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I wear drunk well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
