I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
