why didn't you poke me back
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
