Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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