Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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