Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
