You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Never underestimate the power of titties
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
