I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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