So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
