dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
