You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
True strength comes from lack of pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
