What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
