I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize