We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
