Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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