This girl is more easily done than said...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
