I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
