I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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