I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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