she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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