i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
