I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Dear god my vagina.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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