My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
