i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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