All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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