Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
