i would punch a child for taco bell
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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