I wish I could teleport
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
