Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
