i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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