I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
