remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
