she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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