the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
