Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
