Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
