He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
