That's when you crack a 10am beer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
soo... how was my night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
