Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
