Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
