do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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