You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Never underestimate the power of titties
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
