please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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