actually, I'm a sock model
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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