He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
