So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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