I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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