I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Rumble strips road head = magical
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
