my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
