i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
