how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
