Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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