I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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