Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
