on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
