forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
