that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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