hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
