Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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