Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize