I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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