I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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