Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
