its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
