Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I checked into jail on foursquare
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
