I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
