Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
