I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
