Banned from zoo.
Again?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
