where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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