I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
